Kenmore Is My Bitch

The only thing Elite up in my house is me, punks.

The Kenmore Elite range done took a fat dumper on the kitchen floor and just didn’t feel like holding temperature anymore. The control board doesn’t really seem to be the issue for a couple reasons so I went ahead and replaced the temperature probes.

What’s that? You don’t wanna crack open your range? Fret not, ladies and gents, for the Modern Man will guide you through.

Clearly, my write up is for an electric range because that’s what my rural home has up in it’s guts but pay attention now as it really is quite easy.

Step 1: Don’t be a bitch.

Step 2: Look up an exploded parts diagram for your make and model of appliance. It’s a great way to see what parts are in the mix and how they fit into the grand scheme of things.

Step 3: Get you an account-abili-buddy.

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Kitty Inspector General Ruby drawing attention to the dirty ass glass. She mustered near the range when she saw the tools amassing during the preparation phase.

Step 4: Pull that range out of it’s cubby and into the open. Let her breathe that fresh air and don’t forget to unplug her when she least expects it.

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Check out that backside on her! And pay attention so you don’t cut your digits on that cheap stamped steel cover when you remove the handful of screws keeping her in check.

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Never mind my toes. Just focus on removing the cover for the electrical hookup. Perv.
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Don’t forget about this lil’ fella covering up the connections for your heating element.

Step 6: Find a good home for the screws.

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Don’t be a slob. Use either the electrical cover or the heating element cover as a home for the cover screws. Just don’t let the Kitty Inspector General smack them into oblivion.

Step 7: Assess the situation.

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Don’t be scared by all the pretty colors and realize that as long as you unplugged that shit you won’t get shocked. Cross reference your parts diagram if you need to so you can locate your parts and connections.
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Temperature probe in the top left. Remove those two screws that hold her in place.
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Unplug the connection on the back of the range and pull the probe out through the open door.

Step 8: Allow the Kitty Inspector General to assess your progress so you don’t make any mistakes.

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Step 9: Reverse the probe removal scenario. Fish the probe’s electrical connection through the hole in the back of the range and install the two screws to hold her in place. Then reconnect the probe into the main wiring harness.

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Probe wiring connected to the main harness. No animals were hurt during this maneuver.

Step 10: Reinstall the cheap ass stamped cover on the rear of the range.

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Mind the couple tabs that go in their corresponding slots on the rear of the frame. You’ll have a bad time if you don’t. AND DON’T CUT YOUR FINGERS ON THE CHEAP ASS METAL!

Step 11: Inspection and Reinsertion

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Kitty Inspector Ruby making sure the outlet and range are about to be connected properly and in accordance with the Friskies Code of Kitty Uniformity.

Step 12: Wait, you want to test out your work already? Hold up, son. Kitty Inspector General Ruby noticed the glass in the doors wasn’t up to snuff. Better get on that.

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She’s ensuring there aren’t any fingerprints. Also, cleaning the glass isn’t hard but I’ll be honest and say I didn’t picture four panes of glass in each door! Damn!!! Not hard but it took forever.

Step 13: Test and calibrate your range as necessary and laid out in your manual.

Step 14: Blaze that blunt. Or crack that beer. Unless you done messed up and replaced the wrong parts then your job is done. Kick it with your kitty and make something delicious.

Ruby Toots

Well, the last month has flown by but ol’ Ruby Toots has made her place in our home. In her last episode I was sad to state that Ollie wasn’t very receptive but Ruby sure has started to win her over. Naps are being experienced on the same couch and hiss festivals subside into sniff bonanzas so I think we have rounded the corner.

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Here she provides valuable input on what guitar tab I decide to print and play.

Cooper is still trying to figure out what Ruby’s deal is as one minute she is curling up on his tail to snooze and the other she runs full tilt and jumps into his snout, side, or rear end. He entered our family as a puppy and the smallest so he isn’t accustomed to a young’un going full spazz mode on him.

She is still learning how to interact with us and I think my mission to be her favorite is going well. She’s inquisitive and goofy, too. I admit that I’m an animal lover at baseline but this damn cat won me over on day one. She’s funny as hell.

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Apparently my words are boring.

Never mind. She’s a dick.

Ruby

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Ruby, Queen of the Heart Melters

This little one pound badass defied odds and lived in a car’s engine bay for at least two days when she was finally discovered. The family that found her wasn’t able to keep her so we definitely fell on that sword after meeting her.

She had her first vet visit yesterday and received a good bill a health so we are happy! She’s probably good to go due to the heaping helpings of love that Lil’ Man has been bestowing upon her.

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Like we couldn’t keep her after they claimed each other.

Obviously Cooper has welcomed her with open arms but Ollie is a bit of a different story, sadly. We hope she’ll come around and while she isn’t aggressive she is completely cranky and doesn’t want to snuggle up. Ruby doesn’t seem to mind so that’s good.

I can’t wait to see more of her personality grow! She already is really funny and full of energy and not really shy at all. She could never replace Mika but she’s off to a good start being a part of the family!

A Way With Words

Two days ago Lil’ Man and I were cruising the aisles when I finally caved. He has been wanting some fish for a while so we made that happen for him. Of course we talked about how they would become family members that needed care and attention before pulling the trigger and he assured me that he was in full compliance.

After getting home I set up the aquarium with his help and Acorn, Lipstick, Rainbow, Spanky, and Goldie plopped down into their new home. Sadly, Spanky passed away last night and I had to break the news to Lil’ Man this morning when we went to feed the school.

Stating that he felt badly for “poor Spanky” I told him how we had to have a funeral for our new friend. I placed him in the toilet and told Lil’ Man how it is customary to speak at a funeral and that I would go first if he wanted. I figured he wouldn’t really know what to say but he said he would like to speak first. It was really sweet to hear him say how he was sad for Spanky and that he was a good fish. I spoke my piece and after Lil’ Man flushed the toilet to send Spanky off to his next adventure.

Later he asked me why Spanky had to die and that makes me sad but I guess it is for the best that he learns certain facets of life sooner rather than later.

Either way I have to say Lil’ Man has a sweet heart.

Old Friends

Sometimes people just know that you need to see their smiling faces.

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Lying in wait for some tasty devil demons.

After a fine evening talking guitars and hanging with the guys I roll on home far past sunset only to find my third best buddy waiting for me in the driveway.

Gigantor Toad dropped a sweet fist bump on me as I walked past and I can’t help but feel good about the fire and brimstone he is delivering on the eight legged ass bags that haunt our acres.

Carry on, Gigantor Toad, for I love thine holiest of work.

History Repeating

I’m pretty sure the entire county heard my yell.

I was outside minding my own business and installing a bathroom exhaust fan vent in the soffit when I was viciously attacked…again.

I went to put down a little silicone around the window trim when Big Momma came screaming out of the flowers at my face from about four inches away. By the way I yelled “SHIT!” and jumped back anyone watching would’ve thought there was a rattlesnake, at least.

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Launching pad of the bird missile.

After telling Cooper to stop being a weenie (I was trying to pass the buck) because, “it was only a little house finch”, I went in for inspection.

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Probably hatching soon!

Big Momma watched me and Cooper from the telephone wire close by while I counted the eggs. I replaced the foliage just the way I had found it and moved along to my next project but I can’t wait to show Lil’ Man! It’ll be fun to check in on them daily to see when they hatch and how they grow.

Also, what a good protector Big Momma is! I was literally above her nest using a drill and saw for about twenty minutes and she didn’t abandon her eggs. Sawdust was even floating down around them. I guess my ugly mug from inches away was the breaking point for her!

Nature is amazing and I love experiencing it.