Something happens when life doth spring forth from the belly of the Mother; and to be honest it doesn’t happen overnight.
Nevertheless the creeper takes control.
Yes, garage space disappears at a rate so fast it makes blazing, sexy race motorcycles look like my old Voltron Big Wheels of years gone bye.
Now that the KTM project is done (fingers crossed and more of that write up to come) and my baby clucker chicken heads are out in their coop I need to get The Hotness back to parking inside the comfort of the garage. Sugar melts when it gets wet, y’all.
Long story short, life springs forth and there isn’t room for shit in the garage. Eight car garage, you say? Doesn’t matter. Offspring take up that space so quickly your head will spin. Every time I head out to make room and clean up it seems like more room just disappears into the ether. Ghosts of girlfriends past and whatnot.
Love the fruit of my loins and all but, shit, give ol’ Papa Bear some space for his tools and toys, yo.
Lil’ Man: “Daddy, where was your truck made?”
“Texas, actually, down farther south.”
Lil’ Man: “Well where was Mommy’s made?”
“Either Canada or Mexico. Well, now that I think about it it could have been made in Michigan.”
Lil’ Man: “But how can they make it in Michigan if they’re not real people?”
I guess my rivalry week we-hate-the-team-up-North rhetoric sank in with him.
The Modern Man is real. Real as shit, son.
But shit’s about to get the realest yet.
What the hell is wrong with me?
Everyone has their damn demons and maybe I’m not as good about overcoming them as others but a funk cloud has been settled around me for a little while now. I don’t think I’m an unhappy person. I don’t think I have a bad life. I have a wife, son, friends, family, house, car, food, animals, etc., and I have hobbies that I enjoy.
So what gives?
My relationship with my dad bugs the fuck out of me but I don’t think that’s why I feel how I do (but it does have an affect on me). Maybe I’m starting to realize that the family ideals that were taught to me when I was young aren’t always real.
Is blood thicker than water? Sometimes yes and sometimes no, I suppose. Sometimes I think it is hard for me to be a dad and husband because I don’t know how. When you grow up thinking some things are normal and don’t know otherwise it wrecks your shit up when it dawns that what you knew was a turd sandwich.
I love my son. I love my wife. And while I don’t have an issue telling them both daily how much I care I have to admit that sometimes I am hurt when I feel like I’m their last thought. Is that fair of me? I don’t know but at the end of the day I know I’m not their last thought. And maybe I put a little too much emphasis on the wrong syllable but maybe again I’m just trying to find out how to be the best I can be. Maybe I don’t know what it feels like to be good enough.
Expectations can be a big kick in the dick when they’re rooted in what you think is solid ground but really they’re planted in the mudslide of a post hurricane apocalypse.
And maybe that’s what I’m dealing with?
I want to let go of what I grew up knowing as truth.
But it’s hard because I don’t know what shit really is like.
Lil’ Man: “Daddy?”
LM: “Well, sometimes I just argue with myself.”
“Oh. Well who wins?”
LM: Laughter followed with “I do!”
Two days ago Lil’ Man and I were cruising the aisles when I finally caved. He has been wanting some fish for a while so we made that happen for him. Of course we talked about how they would become family members that needed care and attention before pulling the trigger and he assured me that he was in full compliance.
After getting home I set up the aquarium with his help and Acorn, Lipstick, Rainbow, Spanky, and Goldie plopped down into their new home. Sadly, Spanky passed away last night and I had to break the news to Lil’ Man this morning when we went to feed the school.
Stating that he felt badly for “poor Spanky” I told him how we had to have a funeral for our new friend. I placed him in the toilet and told Lil’ Man how it is customary to speak at a funeral and that I would go first if he wanted. I figured he wouldn’t really know what to say but he said he would like to speak first. It was really sweet to hear him say how he was sad for Spanky and that he was a good fish. I spoke my piece and after Lil’ Man flushed the toilet to send Spanky off to his next adventure.
Later he asked me why Spanky had to die and that makes me sad but I guess it is for the best that he learns certain facets of life sooner rather than later.
Either way I have to say Lil’ Man has a sweet heart.
Lord Business: “Alright, dude, I don’t want to hear any splashing in the bath tub tonight.”
Lil’ Man: “Daddy?”
Lord Business: “Yes?”
Lil’ Man: “What about splooshing?”
Lord Business: “Um…No. No splooshing either.”
Me: “Goodnight, bud, I love you!”
Lil’ Man: “OK”
He’s nearly as bad as his momma…