Not Real People

Lil’ Man: “Daddy, where was your truck made?”

“Texas, actually, down farther south.”

Lil’ Man: “Well where was Mommy’s made?”

“Either Canada or Mexico. Well, now that I think about it it could have been made in Michigan.”

Lil’ Man: “But how can they make it in Michigan if they’re not real people?”

I guess my rivalry week we-hate-the-team-up-North rhetoric sank in with him.

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Argumentative

Lil’ Man: “Daddy?”

“Yes, buddy?”

LM: “Well, sometimes I just argue with myself.”

“Oh. Well who wins?”

LM: Laughter followed with “I do!”

Splooshing

Lord Business: “Alright, dude, I don’t want to hear any splashing in the bath tub tonight.”

Lil’ Man: “Daddy?”

Lord Business: “Yes?”

Lil’ Man: “What about splooshing?”

Lord Business: “Um…No. No splooshing either.”

 

Holy Sh*t

Here I am doing complex math computations in my mind regarding sprocket diameter and tooth count for the KTM rear hub when The Hotness rounds the corner to say hello.

Mind you it is past her bedtime and I had SeƱor Johnson in my hand mid bladder leak.

She’s damn lucky I didn’t piss all over the bathroom but I have to admit I stopped mid-stream.

You ever try stopping mid-stream? ‘Tis a feat paramount to nuclear fission.

Old Friends

Sometimes people just know that you need to see their smiling faces.

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Lying in wait for some tasty devil demons.

After a fine evening talking guitars and hanging with the guys I roll on home far past sunset only to find my third best buddy waiting for me in the driveway.

Gigantor Toad dropped a sweet fist bump on me as I walked past and I can’t help but feel good about the fire and brimstone he is delivering on the eight legged ass bags that haunt our acres.

Carry on, Gigantor Toad, for I love thine holiest of work.

Unicorn Farts

So we’re at the dinner table eating a fine meal when I notice that outside the sky is dumping rain (while still being super sunny) faster than what I imagine Rick James did a line of cocaine.

Me: “Dude, look at that rain coming down out there!”

Lil’ Man: “Dad! When will the unicorn fart?”

For a moment I forgot that I had told him rainbows happen when a unicorn farts and that a unicorn farts whenever it is raining and sunny at the same time. You know, because it’s their favorite weather and all.

History Repeating

I’m pretty sure the entire county heard my yell.

I was outside minding my own business and installing a bathroom exhaust fan vent in the soffit when I was viciously attacked…again.

I went to put down a little silicone around the window trim when Big Momma came screaming out of the flowers at my face from about four inches away. By the way I yelled “SHIT!” and jumped back anyone watching would’ve thought there was a rattlesnake, at least.

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Launching pad of the bird missile.

After telling Cooper to stop being a weenie (I was trying to pass the buck) because, “it was only a little house finch”, I went in for inspection.

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Probably hatching soon!

Big Momma watched me and Cooper from the telephone wire close by while I counted the eggs. I replaced the foliage just the way I had found it and moved along to my next project but I can’t wait to show Lil’ Man! It’ll be fun to check in on them daily to see when they hatch and how they grow.

Also, what a good protector Big Momma is! I was literally above her nest using a drill and saw for about twenty minutes and she didn’t abandon her eggs. Sawdust was even floating down around them. I guess my ugly mug from inches away was the breaking point for her!

Nature is amazing and I love experiencing it.