Something happens when life doth spring forth from the belly of the Mother; and to be honest it doesn’t happen overnight.
Nevertheless the creeper takes control.
Yes, garage space disappears at a rate so fast it makes blazing, sexy race motorcycles look like my old Voltron Big Wheels of years gone bye.
Now that the KTM project is done (fingers crossed and more of that write up to come) and my baby clucker chicken heads are out in their coop I need to get The Hotness back to parking inside the comfort of the garage. Sugar melts when it gets wet, y’all.
Long story short, life springs forth and there isn’t room for shit in the garage. Eight car garage, you say? Doesn’t matter. Offspring take up that space so quickly your head will spin. Every time I head out to make room and clean up it seems like more room just disappears into the ether. Ghosts of girlfriends past and whatnot.
Love the fruit of my loins and all but, shit, give ol’ Papa Bear some space for his tools and toys, yo.
Everyone has their damn demons and maybe I’m not as good about overcoming them as others but a funk cloud has been settled around me for a little while now. I don’t think I’m an unhappy person. I don’t think I have a bad life. I have a wife, son, friends, family, house, car, food, animals, etc., and I have hobbies that I enjoy.
So what gives?
My relationship with my dad bugs the fuck out of me but I don’t think that’s why I feel how I do (but it does have an affect on me). Maybe I’m starting to realize that the family ideals that were taught to me when I was young aren’t always real.
Is blood thicker than water? Sometimes yes and sometimes no, I suppose. Sometimes I think it is hard for me to be a dad and husband because I don’t know how. When you grow up thinking some things are normal and don’t know otherwise it wrecks your shit up when it dawns that what you knew was a turd sandwich.
I love my son. I love my wife. And while I don’t have an issue telling them both daily how much I care I have to admit that sometimes I am hurt when I feel like I’m their last thought. Is that fair of me? I don’t know but at the end of the day I know I’m not their last thought. And maybe I put a little too much emphasis on the wrong syllable but maybe again I’m just trying to find out how to be the best I can be. Maybe I don’t know what it feels like to be good enough.
Expectations can be a big kick in the dick when they’re rooted in what you think is solid ground but really they’re planted in the mudslide of a post hurricane apocalypse.
And maybe that’s what I’m dealing with?
I want to let go of what I grew up knowing as truth.
But it’s hard because I don’t know what shit really is like.
Well, the last month has flown by but ol’ Ruby Toots has made her place in our home. In her last episode I was sad to state that Ollie wasn’t very receptive but Ruby sure has started to win her over. Naps are being experienced on the same couch and hiss festivals subside into sniff bonanzas so I think we have rounded the corner.
Cooper is still trying to figure out what Ruby’s deal is as one minute she is curling up on his tail to snooze and the other she runs full tilt and jumps into his snout, side, or rear end. He entered our family as a puppy and the smallest so he isn’t accustomed to a young’un going full spazz mode on him.
She is still learning how to interact with us and I think my mission to be her favorite is going well. She’s inquisitive and goofy, too. I admit that I’m an animal lover at baseline but this damn cat won me over on day one. She’s funny as hell.
This little one pound badass defied odds and lived in a car’s engine bay for at least two days when she was finally discovered. The family that found her wasn’t able to keep her so we definitely fell on that sword after meeting her.
She had her first vet visit yesterday and received a good bill a health so we are happy! She’s probably good to go due to the heaping helpings of love that Lil’ Man has been bestowing upon her.
Obviously Cooper has welcomed her with open arms but Ollie is a bit of a different story, sadly. We hope she’ll come around and while she isn’t aggressive she is completely cranky and doesn’t want to snuggle up. Ruby doesn’t seem to mind so that’s good.
I can’t wait to see more of her personality grow! She already is really funny and full of energy and not really shy at all. She could never replace Mika but she’s off to a good start being a part of the family!
Two days ago Lil’ Man and I were cruising the aisles when I finally caved. He has been wanting some fish for a while so we made that happen for him. Of course we talked about how they would become family members that needed care and attention before pulling the trigger and he assured me that he was in full compliance.
After getting home I set up the aquarium with his help and Acorn, Lipstick, Rainbow, Spanky, and Goldie plopped down into their new home. Sadly, Spanky passed away last night and I had to break the news to Lil’ Man this morning when we went to feed the school.
Stating that he felt badly for “poor Spanky” I told him how we had to have a funeral for our new friend. I placed him in the toilet and told Lil’ Man how it is customary to speak at a funeral and that I would go first if he wanted. I figured he wouldn’t really know what to say but he said he would like to speak first. It was really sweet to hear him say how he was sad for Spanky and that he was a good fish. I spoke my piece and after Lil’ Man flushed the toilet to send Spanky off to his next adventure.
Later he asked me why Spanky had to die and that makes me sad but I guess it is for the best that he learns certain facets of life sooner rather than later.
Either way I have to say Lil’ Man has a sweet heart.