Space Jam

Something happens when life doth spring forth from the belly of the Mother; and to be honest it doesn’t happen overnight.

Nevertheless the creeper takes control.

Yes, garage space disappears at a rate so fast it makes blazing, sexy race motorcycles look like my old Voltron Big Wheels of years gone bye.

Now that the KTM project is done (fingers crossed and more of that write up to come) and my baby clucker chicken heads are out in their coop I need to get The Hotness back to parking inside the comfort of the garage. Sugar melts when it gets wet, y’all.

Long story short, life springs forth and there isn’t room for shit in the garage. Eight car garage, you say? Doesn’t matter. Offspring take up that space so quickly your head will spin. Every time I head out to make room and clean up it seems like more room just disappears into the ether. Ghosts of girlfriends past and whatnot.

Love the fruit of my loins and all but, shit, give ol’ Papa Bear some space for his tools and toys, yo.

Not Real People

Lil’ Man: “Daddy, where was your truck made?”

“Texas, actually, down farther south.”

Lil’ Man: “Well where was Mommy’s made?”

“Either Canada or Mexico. Well, now that I think about it it could have been made in Michigan.”

Lil’ Man: “But how can they make it in Michigan if they’re not real people?”

I guess my rivalry week we-hate-the-team-up-North rhetoric sank in with him.

A Way With Words

Two days ago Lil’ Man and I were cruising the aisles when I finally caved. He has been wanting some fish for a while so we made that happen for him. Of course we talked about how they would become family members that needed care and attention before pulling the trigger and he assured me that he was in full compliance.

After getting home I set up the aquarium with his help and Acorn, Lipstick, Rainbow, Spanky, and Goldie plopped down into their new home. Sadly, Spanky passed away last night and I had to break the news to Lil’ Man this morning when we went to feed the school.

Stating that he felt badly for “poor Spanky” I told him how we had to have a funeral for our new friend. I placed him in the toilet and told Lil’ Man how it is customary to speak at a funeral and that I would go first if he wanted. I figured he wouldn’t really know what to say but he said he would like to speak first. It was really sweet to hear him say how he was sad for Spanky and that he was a good fish. I spoke my piece and after Lil’ Man flushed the toilet to send Spanky off to his next adventure.

Later he asked me why Spanky had to die and that makes me sad but I guess it is for the best that he learns certain facets of life sooner rather than later.

Either way I have to say Lil’ Man has a sweet heart.

Splooshing

Lord Business: “Alright, dude, I don’t want to hear any splashing in the bath tub tonight.”

Lil’ Man: “Daddy?”

Lord Business: “Yes?”

Lil’ Man: “What about splooshing?”

Lord Business: “Um…No. No splooshing either.”

 

Unicorn Farts

So we’re at the dinner table eating a fine meal when I notice that outside the sky is dumping rain (while still being super sunny) faster than what I imagine Rick James did a line of cocaine.

Me: “Dude, look at that rain coming down out there!”

Lil’ Man: “Dad! When will the unicorn fart?”

For a moment I forgot that I had told him rainbows happen when a unicorn farts and that a unicorn farts whenever it is raining and sunny at the same time. You know, because it’s their favorite weather and all.