Maybe I’ll write up a proper trail review another time but I need to get to this mission debrief. It had been miles. Mud was spilled. We fought bravely against the elements and came out on top this time so I guess you could say we were lucky. No. Fuck luck. We had skill on our side and some times that is all you need to get the upper hand. That and good engineers who ate Wheaties for breakfast the day they designed our vehicles and/or aftermarket upgrades.
There we were, me and 4Runner with Buddy and Jeep checking out some previously unexplored forest “roads” on a fine Friday afternoon. We were in the home stretch and there was a medium sized limb in the middle of my path that I figured the Jeep couldn’t make it past (I kid, I kid) so I stopped to swiftly ninja kick the shit outta it when I saw it. I can guarantee he saw me coming and if it weren’t for a keen eye I may have squished his ass on accident.
Operation Slowpoke: Trail Edition went into action without hesitation. Honestly, I wish I could’ve seen the fluidity of the cartwheel I executed while snatching his/her (Billy Box Turtle/Bonnie Box Turtle) ass up out the leaves. After a reassuring stroke of the head and a kiss for good luck I placed Billy/Bonnie up the bank in the direction he/she was headed.
Crisis was averted. Lives were saved. Branches were ninja-fucking-blasted out of the way. We drove home kings of the forest and sacrificed lambs to the engineering gods that bestowed their favor upon us.