The Modern Man Guide to Pruning

There are times in life when we are presented with scenarios that could go a couple different ways. Some people hesitate and let life make the decision for them while others might poll those close to them for some insight. Or maybe you just decide to follow your gut for either the best or worst? All I have to say is that I was just presented with a situation where I knew exactly what in the hell I had to do.

The Lady of the house relinquished her rights/opinions for the front flower beds and I have been methodically planning what I have wanted to plant. Azaleas? Heck yes, man. Tulips? Why in the heck not? But something kept bothering me and hindered my abilities to plant every so often. Some arborvitae have grown too tall and are wrecking my master plan until they are gone. So, being the modern man that I am I carefully presented my desires and cashed in on an early Father’s Day present.

Behold the tool that makes 10,000 beavers obsolete.
Behold the tool that makes 10,000 beavers obsolete.

Yeah, that’s right. A damn chain saw with the power and might of the Sword of Grayskull. Or maybe not but damn does it feel smooth in your mitts. You might say to yourself, “Modern Man, do you really need a chainsaw for a couple arborvitae?”

Heck to the yes I do.

But I’m no baller. This baby is a factory refurbished unit that I snagged at Northern Tool and it was made in Sweden so I know those blonde haired, coffee loving, Scandinavians hooked a brother up right. But then again it was already sent back under warranty so what do I know? Either way most everyone rated it a five star item and I trust that some guy named Erik either built or rebuilt it properly.

For the record, I have to admit that 2HP of two-stroke screaming never felt so sexually arousing. Can I cut down a mighty redwood with my 16″ bar length? I dunno but it inspires so much confidence that I feel it will do 98% of the job and that last 2% will be handled with an almighty ninja roundhouse.

This caged tiger was easy to assemble and started right up and I feel that it’ll be everything I ever needed. So watch your backs, arborvitae, as I am creepin’. A little swig of 50:1 for her and a little for me and we are a pair from hell like you ain’t never seen before.

2HP of fury and whoop ass
2HP of fury and whoop ass

Plus she’ll be a great addition to the back of the 4Runner when I hit up the trails. You never know when a storm might’ve knocked down a poplar or something…

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